Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
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