Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
