you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
