I heard we made out
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
