peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
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