I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
