There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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