"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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