dats a huuuuuge bitch!
who is this????
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
