discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
