i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
