What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
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