dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize
