Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
