I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Randomize
