So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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