Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
He's like a unicorn and I just wanna domesticate him
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
