You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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