i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
Randomize
