I want to walk on stilts...naked
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
