She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
