Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
You're my little dorito
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Randomize
