Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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