I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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