You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Randomize
