wanna go halves on a baby?
Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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