there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
