Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
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