Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
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