at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
