well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Text me some of your sweat
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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