I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
my poor anus
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
