There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
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