How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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