I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
