I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
