There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
