Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
try to milk me bitch
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
