you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize