I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
