Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
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