Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Randomize
