just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
