dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
My underwear smells like fireworks.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Randomize
