yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
