apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
Randomize
