I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
