Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
