My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
