also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Randomize
