honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
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