It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
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