Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
soo... how was my night?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
