hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
