Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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