stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize