He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
