I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
