We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
my mouth tastes like poor choices
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
Randomize
