Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
