Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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