He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
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