You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
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My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
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My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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