she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
This baby is an asshole
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
