Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
