her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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