ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
I think id rather eat ped egg shavings.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
