You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
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Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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